Personal reflection

Essay by AMeyers May 2005

download word file, 1 pages 5.0

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My Best Friend, My Worst Nightmare.

It all started three years ago. My life slowly started to rotate until I lost all control and it turned completely up-side-down.

I started lying, sneaking and cheating myself over something as insignificant as the air we breathe. It began as a way of evading my reality of pressures and expectations that no one could possibly understand. It gave me that sense of control that had eluded me.

Only now do I realise what it was. It was an eating disorder, a disease that if not experienced could never be imagined. This obsession was a way of proving to me that I wasn't perfect like everyone told me I was. I had secrets. Some so deep they still frighten me. I spiralled into a state of oblivion where every person that meant so much to me was just a blur, a reminder of the realm I'd left behind.

They were inconsequential. My new world was controlled by negativity, disillusions and my distorted perspective of the real world and the people in it. I was falling with no one to save me.

I hated myself for it and eventually gave up. I allowed a voice inside my head to convince me that all that was left was worthless. This monster had infested my every thought and every action without remorse.

Now, every time I look into a mirror I still see a girl troubled by the scars this fiend has left. Still wondering why something as uncomplicated as eating caused her so much pain. I don't know why people do this to themselves. I don't know why we must be cruel and make ourselves suffer as a price for our own deception. I had discovered that my comforter, my best friend was now,my worst...



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